Confucious' Slim Jim

Confucius is a comedian because he's willing to take beef jerky.

Confucius' Analects mentions the price of his lessons:

子曰："自行束脩以上，吾未嘗無誨焉。"

The Master said, "From the man bringing his bundle of dried flesh for my teaching upwards, I have never refused instruction to any one."

(The Analects 7.7)

The characters 束脩 because you can translate them together as "a bundle of dried meat" or two seperate nouns as "bundle" and "meat."  So some academics have argued that "bundle" was for a bale of cloth.

Assuming beef jerky, why would would he associate preserved meat with the lowest common denominator?

Let's observe this Slim Jim commercial.

The disregard for paternal authority, the lack of enthusiasm for learning literature, the unrefined brutish behavior of Macho Man Randy Savage are significant points that make this commercial heavily anti-Confucian.  These suburban American children need of a good thrashing, or a copy of the Analects.

Brute savages and their meat!  Obviously the common man can't afford to eat fresh meat, so plebeians must preserve it to prolong their source of protein.

Eating beef jerky is hilarious though.

The Analects was not written by Confucius himself, but subsequent scholars who claim to authoritatively quote him.  These people have no sense of humor.  It's like listening to jokes told by people who aren't funny.  Sure, being passive for the sake of social stability can bring peace to the world, but it's not funny!

A comedian is someone who finds wrinkles within our everyday lives and re-frames it in a way that everyone understands, completely vulnerable to the audience without fear of repercussion.

Which is exactly what Confucius did!  During the Warring States period, Confucius was constantly traveling from state to state, with little sponsorship from state leaders, yet the common man found his thoughts worthy enough to be kept.

I'm more inclined to believe that Confucius was able to lighten up the lives of the common man by reminding them that a peaceful life was possible instead of the realities of the hardships they were facing, exceptionally living through a period of border line anarchy and constant war.

What better way to help others dream and escape than to laugh?

There you have it!  Confucius is a comedian because he accepts beef jerky!