Palate Shock

(photo by Terrapin Trails)

In-and-Out tasted bland after coming back from Cambodia.

Yes, most countries are developing faster than Cambodia.  No infrastructure.  Garbage everywhere.

Yes, there was political instability with the biggest protest in 30 years.

Yes,  I feared social anarchy, plotting my escape to the US embassy or Vietnam.

But after biting into that burger, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the United States.

The United States has one of the most sophisticated infrastructure for growing, transporting, and even scientifically analyzing what we eat.  Yet most American food lacks the capacity to provide nourishment and satisfaction after eating.

Rich and poor Americans alike are constantly hungry, thinking that nourishment comes from quantity, not quality.

Exactly a day after coming back to the US, I walked into Target with my friends.  I was shocked at how sterile the food was.  A whole aisle dedicated to food in bar-form, some only 100 calories!  Boxes are covered with photo-shopped pictures with numbers and chemicals only an organic chemist would understand.  All provide the illusion of fulfillment.

Food in Cambodia is about survival and instinct.  Although some food borrows techniques from modern agricultural science, most of it is still unchanged and organic.

When you drive half an hour away from the city, tanned faces of farmers are sweating, bending, and plucking.  All hope their crop produces something.  The green rice paddy is checkered with patches of dry dirt and weeds.  These are the failures unable to feed, a little closer to death.

The harvest then gets packed briskly and tightly onto anything that runs on gasoline, only to be hoisted across pock-marked roads.

Delivery, seller, buyer all  converge to market, a canopy-covered sweaty arena of organized chaos.  Everyone's movement figuratively and literally tries to survive the mass chaos.

A pedestrian is almost run over by a motorcycle weighed down by onions.

The seller haggles high.  The buyer low.

Mothers and daughters looking, rubbing, smelling, using their feminine instinct to satisfy their family's guts.

Everyone follows the instinct fighting for the last penny.

When the prizes are bought, the food was harvested or killed within the same 24 hours.

The buyer is usually the cook as well.  A good cook will be like a mother tending her baby as she cleans and nurtures the food with all the love and affection she can give.  Sometimes sweating for another 3 hours in the kitchen heat.  When all is said and done, the food is ready to provide nourishment.  When you eat, you feel the power of food down to your very bones.

Food in Cambodia completely satisfies the instinct for hunger.

La Mian Chinese Noodle Recipe in English! 牛肉拉麵

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahr-bIm6MrU

0:44  1 clear, 2 white, 3 red, 4 green, 5 yellow

0:54  Let’s introduce the ingredients! Beef, Noodle flour, scallion, daikon, cilantro, salt, msg, pepper, LYE / SODA WATER/ alkali powder (BE SURE THIS IS FOOD GRADE AND SOMETHING YOU CAN FIND IN A SUPERMARKET, NOT A HARDWARE STORE!)

1:12  PROVERB: A SOUP BEFORE A MEAL, SURPASSES GOOD MEDICINE

1:14 STEP ONE: Make beef broth *Throw the meat in like the video

1:27 It’s healthy

1:31 STEP 2: Mix the Noodle dough 1:39 For every 1 kg of noodle flour, add 10gram of salt and 5 grams of lye/soda water

1:42 As the old saying goes, “Salt is the bones, lye/soda water are the nerves”

1:50 Add water little at a time, DON’T POUR TOO MUCH!

2:01 Mix it until it barely clumps together Skim off the fat, this is a clear soup after all! LA MIAN CAN STRENGTHEN THE BODY! Making noodles is good exercise, like a dancing child!

2:29 WHEN YOU’RE READY GIVE ME A CHANCE to dance

2:31 BOIL THE BEEF ON HIGH UNTIL ROLLING BOIL, then TURN HEAT TO SIMMER AND COOK FOR 40 MINUTES

2:35 After mixing the dough to a ball, let the ball REST FOR 5 MINUTES

2:55 Get some oil and start rubbing (phrasing, lol) Come over here and feel it up (phrasing, lol)

2:57 *scrolling text Alternate with your left and right, you can exercise your upper body (phrasing, lol. Look, he’s trying to seduce you)

3:08 STEP 3: Drop the noodles (I am not kidding, the first character is also slang for male genitalia.)

3:39 Dropping the noodles is the key

3:42 When the noodles twist and rotate, make sure you go both clockwise and counterclockwise. The thinner the dough, the weaker it becomes. Also, don’t forcefully pull the noodles, feel the elasticity of the noodles and let the noodles stretch itself out.

4:05 Oh, my big stomach is in the way.

4:15 rub some more oil

4:26 Let’s flavor the soup salt, msg, pepper

4:45 1. Pull with the strength of both arms. 2. pull with uniform energy

4:55 Flatten

5:04 Pull, pull, then dust with flour

5:09 Again, don’t fight against the noodle and feel, or it will break

5:30 BOIL WATER, THEN THROW IN NOODLES. DON”T IMMEDIATELY STIRE THE NOODLES! LET SIT for 5 MINUTES BEFORE TOUCHING NOODLES

6:50 Add your toppings and you’re done!

6:58 LOSING IS SUCCESS’ MOTHER!

7:05 Let’s review!

1. Bring the meat to a boil and then simmer for 40 minutes

2. Mixing dough: 1 kg flour, 10 grams salt, 5 grams lye/soda water

3. Pulling noodles: Pull firmly and evenly, but don’t rush!


**Editor's note:  I didn't translate every detail, just the basic gist and funny stuff.  Feel free to leave comments for comments, concerns, and future requests.

Anthony Bourdain is My Inner Narrator

(Source)

A good chef told me three conditions must be satisfied before a customer enjoyed their food:

1)  Is this customer hungry?

If the customer just ran a marathon, anything tastes good.  I remembered  my half marathon the oranges at mile 10 were ambrosia.

2)  Is the customer with friends?

Customers are less likely to complain about their food if they have good company.  Unless you manage to piss off the whole table.

3)  Is there money in this guy's pocket?

If one is too worried about personal finances, nothing tastes good.

Then, you can blame the restaurant.

Food writing isn't so much about the edible material on the plate, but the narrative behind the edible.  One would never imagine a sun-damaged former drug addict chef from New York City would be one of the most powerful food critics on earth.  Many people would drop everything to have a beer or meal with him.

Why?  He has an interesting narrative.

Take for instance his trip to Finland in a reindeer restaurant:

"Like reindeers?  I do!  I like 'em on my plate, while Santa looks in mute horror as he's duct taped and ball-gagged!"

He's very honest and direct with his thoughts.  He's also self-deprecating or insulting his own culture (America) when commenting, but he's always careful not to offend the culture he's visiting.

One of his best episodes was his trip to Saudi Arabia.  Before dinner when his hosts are praying to Mecca, he reminds his Western audience to appreciate the present beauty this foreign culture.

Paradoxically Anthony Bourdain has the easiest and hardest medium to critique.  It's relatable to everyone because unlike movie, print, or art, everyone alive has some visceral experience with food.  At the same time it's the easiest way to offend someone if one expresses disgust with another culture's food.

I don't believe it's necessary to shock or offend to get good blog views.  As my blog keeps developing, I will try my best to tell it like it is with my inner Bourdain.  So long as you're honest, relatable, and clear, you have a story worth telling.

Chicken Soup for the Chinese Soul

Just look at this:


My childhood dream was to become a food critic.  I was acutely aware of every breath I took being a sickly child with asthma, so one of my favorite past times was watching my mom cook.  If I can't breath, it might as well smell delicious.

When Anthony Bourdain travels the world and asks what people's last meal would be, it would usually be something that mom made.  For me, it's 潮州粿條湯.  Here are some stats:

It's essentially chicken noodle soup.  You have a simple chicken stock that's been simmering for hours on the stove.  Just when you're about to eat, you boil rice noodles in plain water, and THEN you pour your chicken stock on top.  Add scallions, fried garlic, cilantro, and preserved cabbage.

(A lil rant:  rice noodles come is all shapes in sizes just like Italian pasta.  I hate it when English recipes say "rice noodles" or "rice vermicilli."  It's equivalent to a linguini alfredo recipe telling you to add "stringed pasta."  Which one?  Spaghetti? Linguine? Capellini?)

Oh, this may sound simple, when this is made in my house, we pay attention to detail!  The pickled cabbage must be dried outside for a week, mixed with rice wine a garlic, and then set outside in a jar for 3 months.  The chicken broth is made from chicken slaughtered within 3 days, and then simmered for 4 hours.  To make a cup of fried garlic, you have to peel 4-5 pieces, finely minced, then deep fried.

When the cosmos aligns and everything is perfect, the sensations I feel eating this are amazing!  My lung would suddenly feel relaxed and I'm able to breath.  Flu?  No problem, all the junk from my sinuses would expel like Hoover Dam.

I don't feel bloated either because most of what I consume is liquid.  My whole body enters this clean, transcendent state, toxins flush away.

You begin to question the nature of reality when you start adding this:



This is deep fried rice flour dough.  The legend goes the the two halves represent the couple the defamed the Southern Song Dynasty general Yue Fei.  As punishment, the dish becomes a pun everyone thereafter would say "Fry!  Evil Devils!"

Something miraculous happens when you dunk this into the soup, you enter a state of paradox.  It's crispy and soupy!  It's sweet and savory!  It all becomes  balancing act!  With each bite of karmic debt accounted for, the universe finds balance.

This is my chicken soup for the soul.

Delicious Chinese Non-Food

Here are five things I love to taste that isn't technically Chinese food:

1. The green onions after everyone picked on the steamed fish
2. The spatula immediately after a stir fry
3. Red vinegar after I've dunked all my dumplings
4. Chicken skin exactly on a drumstick
5. Leftover oyster sauce after everyone picked the Gai-lan.